


Spot the Difference

by DoomNightAt12



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BLUE TEAM PROBLEMS, Caboose doesn't kill Church, Epsilon in Blood Gulch, Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23959225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomNightAt12/pseuds/DoomNightAt12
Summary: Somehow, there are two men named Leonard Church in Blood Gulch.They give everybody twice the headaches.Then just as suddenly, there is no one called Leonard Church.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Spot the Difference

It was like any other day in Blood Gulch. The sun beat down on the box canyon, 4 Red soldiers at one end in a concrete base, and 4 Blue soldiers in their own base at the other end. Except when Tucker had gone to bed the previous night, he could have sworn there was only 3 blues on the chain of command poster.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Who the fuck are _YOU_?”

There was no such thing as peace and quiet here. And right now, Tucker swore he could hear Church shouting in stereo. Said shouting only got louder the longer he tried ignoring it from the safety of his bed. Then Caboose joined in, and he reluctantly got ready to face the day outside the safety of is room. It was only fitting to join the shouting as well.

“Geesus you’ve probably woken up the Reds with how loud you are!”

Two light blue helmets turned to face him, and Tucker had to pause and rub his eyes to clear his double vision. Because there were two Church’s standing in front of him. And neither disappeared not matter how hard he rubbed.

“I can’t believe it either! Pretty amazing right? Now I have double the best friend!”

““Shut up Caboose.””

The two Church’s glared at each other as they spoke in unison.

“It’s too fucking early for this. Why are there two?”

““I’m the real Church!””

They butted helmets, frustration boiling over.

“We can play so many more games with two Church’s!”

“And we can have double the headaches too. Hang on, how do they usually sort this out in movies?”

The Church to his left pipped up first, “Oh! Asks us something only the real Church would know.”

The right-side Church puffed out his chest, “Yeah, something I could only know from hanging out with you idiots every day.”

Caboose flung his arm into the air, “Oh me first! Um… What… is my favourite colour?”

““Blue.””

“This is too hard.” The rookie looked defeated, but Tucker just crossed his arms.

“Alright, where do I keep my secret stash?”

“Trick question, it’s no secret you keep it under your bunk.”

The other Church turned to the first, “Unless he means _that_ secret stash, which Grif stole last month?”

“True, but he could also be meaning _that_ secret stash which, man Tucker look if you’re feeling insecure-”

“Look I’m only impressed you managed to fashion something that could stand up t the elements. Maybe you should find a new place for ‘private time’.”

Tucker threw his arms up, “Fuck. Yeah this is too hard. I give up. You can both leave. Get the fuck out and never look at my secret stashes again.”

““Fuck you Tucker.””

The Church’s slammed helmets together again, hands reaching for their guns.

““And you can shut up!””

Caboose returned, having left at some point in the argument. He had a can of spray paint in his hand. Tucker tilted his head as he looked at the can.

“Why yellow?”

“Because the number 2 is yellow, so second Church.”

“…I’m juts gonna assume that makes sense for you.”

“It does. And 4 is blue. So blue and yellow is 42 and that is the meaning of life.” He began coating the left Church’s shoulder plates in yellow.

“No more late-night movies for you Caboose.”

After the air became chocked with spray paint, the two Churches were easier to pull apart, and Tucker chose to save his ears by telling Caboose to go to the top of the base with the non-painted Church, while he kept the newly painted and named Church2 inside.

* * *

“The mean Taxes lady is back!”

Tucker groaned and left the base, Church2 trailing behind. Caboose and Church1 were similarly heading to the same entrance, which when the reached it, their freelancer team-mate came into view. Both Church’s seemed to perk up at the sight and ran too meet her.

“Tex!”

“Allison!”

That got her attention, though in the form of her gun being readied and pressed against Church2’s head. Caboose and Tucker ran to join the group, standing a few steps away when they heard the safety click.

“How do you know that name?” Texas pushed her gun firmly into Church2’s visor, but he didn’t seemed threatened.

“Well, it’s your name… Isn’t it?”

Church1 looked between them.

“Wait, is it?”

Texas was still, finger millimetres off the trigger. Eventually, Tucker cleared his throat.

“Sooooo, as you can see, we’re kinda stuck with two of ‘em. Maybe you might be able to pick the real one, since you guys know each other?”

She lowered her gun, cocking her head to the side in curiosity.

“And how do you want me to pick?”

The Blue team sheared a look, Caboose tapping his chin to form an idea.

“Maybe… Tex would know who looks right!”

Tucker grinned, looking at the Churchs.

“Oh yeah, if you really dated her, then she would have seen your face! Would have been weird never to take your helmet off when you’re with a girl, unless you’re into that. Bow chicka bow wow.”

Before Tex could speak, both the Church’s reached for the seals on their helmets. In their synchronised manner, they slipped them off and tucked them under their elbows, both looking between Texas and Tucker.

“Well that kinda blows my clone theory out the window.”

Church1 was pale as a ghost, with messy black hair that had grown just beyond its military cut. A scrappy goatee was growing in on his chin, not hiding how angular his face was.

Church2 was another story. His skin was more golden, with strikingly dirty blond hair that was way beyond standard length but seemed to have been shaved at the sides not too long ago. There were also scars littering his face, dipping and rising along his thin face.

The only twin aspect between them was their eyes. Both were electric blue, almost glowing with an unnatural aura. Texas stayed frozen in place for a long moment.

“Wow. I don’t recognise either of you.”

““WHAT?!””

Both looked devastated. Tucker let out a heavy sigh.

“Great. So we still don’t know who’s the real one.”

Tex shrugged, “I guess so.”

“Gimme your gun. I’ll close my eyes and shoot one and we can be done with this.”

“Noooooo!” Caboose quickly grabbed an arm of each Church, dragging them away. Tucker and Texas watched him drag them away, both trying to put on their helmets before Caboose caused them harm.

“I’m going back to bed.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

Life with two Churchs' was a special kind of pain, but at least they were getting easier to tell apart.

Church1 was perpetually annoyed, snapping at anyone in his way. He was never happy, but he was never exactly angry either, spending his time taunting the Reds or complaining about Caboose’s latest best friend activity.

Church2 was similar, but his emotional range was clearer. He looked happy when he woke up to pancakes (Caboose’s request, he’d physically dragged Tucker to the kitchen to make him cook.) and then looked both disgusted and embarrassed when he’d found Tucker was only wearing an apron (Caboose had dragged him from bed and prevented him from going back to his room, what could he do?) all while Church1 just accepted the situation with a grumble and a curious glance.

Caboose too found that each Church had their own reasons for not wanting to play with him.

Church1 would swear when Caboose found him on the hill, and after listening to him, he would tell Caboose to do a serious of tasks before they could play. He’d collect all the rocks and sticks he could but find Church1 gone by the time he got back.

Church2 would also swear when Caboose found him, but he’d continue what he was doing while Caboose talked. Even if Caboose brought over a game, or thought up a story to tell, Church2 would continue working on whatever he was doing while Caboose filled the silence. The rookie quite liked that Church2 wouldn’t disappear, but Church1 would actually do things _with_ him if he was persistent enough.

Texas usually avoided the Churchs’, citing the headache that came on whenever they begun fighting over her attention.

Tucker also wished to avoid the two Blue leaders, but that was harder when there weren’t many escapes in the box canyon.

“I don’t fucking care what you do Tucker, just… piss off.”

Church1 was clearly annoyed after Tex had ignored him yet again, head in his hands, but Tucker was just as annoyed that there was nothing to do.

“Fine, I will then.”

So Tucker found himself at Red base, stealing chips from a bag Grif was only half heartedly guarding.

“So you chose to come annoy us instead?”

“Yeah, there’s only so many times you can be threatened with a gun the fucker can’t even aim with.”

“I wish Sarge had no aim, not that you need it with a shotgun.”

Minutes passed in bored silence, until stomping grew near, and Simmons came into view. He angrily threw his helmet on the ground and snatched the bag of chips, shoving a few in his mouth before he even realised Tucker was sitting there.

“Another Blue, great.”

“Good to see you too.”

Grif snatched the bag back, “What’s got your panties in a bunch?”

“It’s that painted Church! I went to give my latest inventory report to Sarge and he’s standing there, talking! Can you believe it?! Sarge, talking to a Blue!”

“Did he still have his shotgun?”

“Well, yeah it was pressed against Church’s back, but they were still talking! Something about Lopez and robot bits.”

Simmons and Grif finished off the bag of chips, and when they had bickered for another 20 minutes Tucker took his queue to leave. Back at Blue base, Church1 had left, but in his place at the table was Church2’s helmet, sloppily painted yellow stripe as bright as ever. Tucker wandered into the kitchen and found him staring into the coffee pot, deathly still. From the way his head tilted, there was the spike of scaring stretching into his hairline, and just at the edge of his under suit was a little square port with some sort of chip in it. Tucker tried to remember if he’d see anything like that on Church1, probably not identical, definitely less scared and maybe with a different symbol on it-

Church2 snapped his attention up, clearly reach for a weapon he didn’t have, but as Tucker stared back, he noticed that his eyes weren’t blue. They were steel grey.

“Geesus Tucker, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

He relaxed a little, and so did Tucker, “Maybe I’m finally showing my hidden talents. This soldier crap really isn’t my style, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

Church2 gave him a deadpan look of ‘ _seriously?’_ , sighing as he poured two cups of coffee. He made one up how Tucker usually liked, but strangely added a lot of sugar and milk to his own. He handed the other cup over.

“Finally got sick of having coffee as bitter your attitude?”

“You’re wrong you know.”

“What?”

Church2 took a long sip, “You’ve got potential to be a good solider, if you bothered to try.”

Tucker stared at him, then at his drink.

“You don’t really mean that.”

“I do.”

They finished their coffee in silence, Church2 finally retrieving his helmet and saying he was going to go on patrol. When he returned later, his eyes were blue again, and he simply continued to argue with Church1.

* * *

And then there was the EMP.

Wyoming had clearly left it, and Texas had cleared out at the sight of it. But the Churchs’ were standing right there, arguing.

“It’s an emp!”

“Who the fuck says epm?! It’s an E. M. P.”

Sarge chimed in from the other side of the warthog the Red’s had made their safe spot, “If that thing damages Lopez, you Blue’s are getting the bill! …also, it’s an emp.”

Church2 spun and threw him arms out in an exasperated motion.

“It stands for Electro. Magnetic. Pulse. So, therefore, it’s a-”

It went off, causing the warthog to jolt and spark. The Reds leapt out from behind it, just as both Churchs’ collapsed.

* * *

“Are they gonna be okay?!”

“For the last time Caboose, I have no idea.”

Caboose froze when he saw Church1’s eyes flutter open, green iris’s squinting through. Tucker watched quietly too, eventually seeing Church2’s eyes open, only to reveal silver rather than electric blue. The two Blues watched their double leaders as they managed to sit up and get their bearings. Confusion began to spread amongst them all, until Church1 spoke up.

“W- Where am I? Who are you? W-where’s my team…”

“Silly Church. We’re your team!”

Church1 squinted at them, then at Church2 who seemed to be equally lost.

“Church? No that- I’m not… My name… it’s Jimmy. Private Jimmy.”

Tucker felt something stir in his gut as he stared at Church2.

“What about you?”

The man blinked, as if coming out of a daze, to look around.

“Me?”

“Yes. What’s your name?”

“It’s… my name…”

His brow creased, and his mouth moved wordlessly as he tried out different feelings. Then he looked back to Tucker, having chosen.

“It’s Washington.”

Caboose wrung his hands, looking between the two who now sounded nothing like the snarky, asshole Blue leaders they’d come to know. Tucker stared, motionless as Jimmy and Washington looked at each other.

“Then who the hell was Church?!”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Musings on my Doubles AU, in which somehow Epsilon makes it to Blood Gulch and syncs with Alpha's memories.   
> So many possibilities, so little time in the day to write...
> 
> Art by me, catch me at LordSireno on tumblr


End file.
